When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)

Whoever came up with the idea to make a series of films centered in prehistoric times with nothing but a paper thin storyline and made up languages, ought to win the award for worst movie idea ever. While these films may offer a handful of beautiful women running around in fur bikini's but not even that is enough to sustain a 96 minute film, which has a storyline even a ten year old could do a better job writing.

Whoever coined the phrase "blondes have more fun" obviously didn't live in the time of the dinosaurs, because I believe the golden haired vixens of When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth would beg to differ. At this time in history blondes were supposedly a rarity, and solely used as sacrifices to the sun. Fact of the matter is the cavemen are too stupid to realize that the sun rose and set regularly and that pushing blondes over the cliff didn't necessarily help them in any way, although they thought it appeased the sun. But when one blonde beauty named Sanna (Victoria Vetri) narrowly escapes her clan's sacrifice, they go searching for her, fearing the wrath of the sun. She finds temporary solace in another clan who have never seen a blonde woman before. One of the clansmen named Tara, finds her quite attractive, but when Sanna's old clan comes looking for her everyone in her new home begins turning on her as well, except for Tara. Now both on the run Tara and Sanna must fight to stay alive as their own people wish to see them dead.

There has to be a perfectly good reason why only a handful of these films were made, and all made around the same time period. To the stoned viewers of the 60's and 70's these were probably pretty enjoyable because they required absolutely no braincells to enjoy. For me I frankly found the film annoying, as the characters used the same made up word "Akita" for everything, and the fact that they spend so much man power and energy attempting to recapture one escaped blonde! The only way this film should be viewed is accompanied by commentary from the guys of Mystery Science Theater 3000, only then would such a blatantly useless film be remotely entertaining. Overall, the look of the film definitely provides a prehistoric atmosphere and the basic concept is interesting, but listening to a made up language for a film with a completely ridiculous storyline is in my opinon one of the largest cop-outs in movie history. I would have enjoyed a cavemen themed film where everyone speaks English (who cares if it's not realistic, like this film is anymore so) and the story was at least interesting. Beautiful girls in fur bikini's doesn't make crap worth while unfortunate as that may be. Even more shocking, this film is actually a collector's item because it's a rare DVD release, AKITA!

3/10